The Treasure in the Trauma

They say that trauma can change your DNA structure. They also say that it can cause permanent psychological damage. And I would tend to agree. Childhood trauma can result in all varieties of addictions and compulsions in adulthood. Recently, I personally had an experience caused me to believe that all the above can be reversed. My husband of seventeen years, with whom I have had a very rocky relationship, broke up with me and within weeks was romantically involved with a mutual friend. It sent me into a spin of grief, anger, and resentment, to the point where, at times, I could hardly function, at others, I went into violent rages, and still others, into delusional optimism. I was doing individual therapy, group therapy, couples therapy, daily meditation and yoga, reiki treatments and having long painful conversations with friends and family. Nothing was bringing back my emotional stability. Then, serendipity struck. A friend was talking about Sandra and how she helped him when he was in a similar situation. I replied, “give me her number, as soon as you get home.” He texted it to me and as soon as he walked into his home, Sandra called out of the blue. “I suppose you’re calling about Mary Dorgan,” he joked, as it was impossible for me to have called her so soon. She was looking for guinea pigs to practice a therapy she had just learned, called Emotional Freedom Techniques. She really wanted to treat addicts. Later, I told her that perhaps I was addicted to my husband. She told me that at the root of almost everything is trauma and that is what she wanted to work on. My first session was over Skype. She started off with having me tap my forehead, the side of my eye, under my eye, my mustache area, my chin, my collarbone and my bra strap area under my arm. She asked me what I wanted to work on and how I felt. Hopelessness, despair, injustice, betrayal, abandonment, insecurity, loneliness, were all on the list. Without going into great detail because I am priding myself on shorter blogs, Sandra took me into what she called “the Matrix” to meet little Mary. Little Mary experienced all sorts and varieties of trauma at different ages. What we did was to address her before the trauma occurred. The challenge for me, was to allow the possibility that this could take place in my own mind. It was curious how I physically felt little Mary's responses in my body. Then, we injected something different into the experience of little Mary. She ended up knowing that she was fully armed to take anything on and that she would be fine. Not only did this experience spark my conscious imagination, leave me more connected with who I am, but it left me with tools to deal with any perceived “negative” emotions I might have to confront in the future. During the last session, Sandra asked me to describe how I felt. “Joyful, playful, free,” I laughed. “My life is a joy. It is colorful. I want to shout it from a mountain, I want to ride a horse and I want to write about it all!” You are going to say that this kind of elation cannot last. And you are correct, but what has lasted is my emotional stability, my recovered sunny outlook and my love for chocolate! Yes, I have had moments since then, when I got glimpses of what I had experienced for four months. One such moment occurred this morning. I saw myself slipping into anger. In the midst of this anger I noticed something different. It was a possibility that I had never seen before and it smelled like freedom. I let go of the script that had been playing in my mind for forty-eight years and began to write a brand new one, with joy, with color, with laughter, with freedom. And I’m writing it all down for you!

Break the Spell

We all have this idea that there’s a right way and a wrong way to do things, between retirement savings plans and volunteering at a local charity to brushing our kids’ teeth. And where does it all get us? Yes, we live to be a ripe old age, well-respected members of society, teeth and all, but we are cranky old geezers on antidepressants. Why? Because we didn’t live, really live. We are not really the people we were born to be because we were busy being the people we were told to be or told not to be. It takes great courage to break away from the spell of belonging to our tribe. It takes discipline and focus to even know ourselves, let alone, live the life we were predisposed for. What did you always want to do? A trip to Spain? Be a chef? Own a motorcycle? Seriously, you better get started! I’m warning you. Time is a ticking! And the antidepressants are awaiting!

Life's Tightrope

Between taking responsibility for myself and knowing when to stand my ground, there is a tightrope that I have fallen from many times. Hold on! I’m not even sure I ever walked on it before, but I know I’m on it now. Self-nourishing and the pursuit of my own happiness are the foundations of my energy, health and vitality. Without this, I can do neither, be responsible nor stand my ground. Avoiding people who push my buttons is fine for a while, but sooner or later, it will catch up with me. They will show up again eventually in people I cannot avoid, like bosses, co-workers, even my own children. So, I will choose to face up to the bullies in my life, but on my terms and conditions. When I am full food for my soul, when my whole body language emanates confidence and wellbeing, when the adult in me is in charge, not the worried child, who wants to please and be perfect. There is no perfection, there is only finding the tightrope everyday, and staying on it!

Why connect with Nature?

Nature doesn’t need us. We need nature. There is nothing bad in nature, we are just messing with it too much. We are putting things in the wrong places. It’s like rearranging our bodies, as if we have a greater wisdom than nature. So we reconnect with nature, not for nature’s sake, but for humanity’s sake. Nature will live on, readapt, readjust, clean itself up. It doesn’t have a timeline. Not so sure about the resilience of humanity as it exists today.

Looking for a Kinder World

International Holocaust Remembrance day is today and it’s a full moon. I see nothing greater to do today than to shift the energies of our nature by connecting with nature. Cruelty to others is not random. It comes from a sick ego. Our collective illness causes atrocities like the holocaust. Do not be fooled into thinking that we are healed. We are not. You and I are safe, for now. But our disregard for each other and the earth will catch up. We tend to pick on the most vulnerable, the ones who cannot defend themselves, the voiceless, the most generous. In our homes, it may be our children, our aging parents, our partner or our pets. In nature, it is our trees, our skies, our waters, our very core. This self-destructive behavior is that of an unruly child. My solution is ritual. It is a very simple one that comes from my own inner urgings. It involves walking in a setting that wild and free, and focusing on what is all around, feeling it within. Then allowing myself to be guided by it. Sometimes a conversation happens in my mind, and I “hear” words of wisdom, love and guidance. Others, I experience a phase of thoughtlessness, like I enter a vision. I am pulled back from the world of my thoughts, into a peacefulness, full of color. I leave this place and time with great gratitude. Let us connect today with the fullness of the moon. It is a constant parent, regulating the tides, mysteriously working with our birthing processes. Its healing and glory causes our wolves to celebrate it. Let us pause for a moment today and feel this wholeness. It exists within us, whether we ignore it or not. We need to see the lost frightened, hungry child inside ourselves and others, not to scold it, but to acknowledge it and care for it. Doing this will make a kinder world. I promise.

Pit Bulls - Breedism?

Yes, they have a powerful jaws. Yes, they are a sensitive breed. Yes, they have been trained for protection and defence. But they are animals who need love and proper care, like any other. I would question the motives of the owners, rather than the nature of the dogs. It is only because of the mistreatment of pit bulls, that I would be afraid of them, but that would be the case of any dog or breed who was treated this way. Now, with all the bad PR, what do we expect? Animals are very sensitive to the emotional energy we emit. When we see a pit bull, what do we emit? Love? I think not. They are beautiful dogs. They are tender and obedient when treated properly, like any other dog. There is a gorgeous white pit bull, who lives in my neighborhood. I met her when walking my Aussie with my kids. She had escaped over the six-foot fence around her back yard, and took herself for a walk. She appeared very happy to see us. She was gentle with my dog, who can be very antisocial with his kind. They walked along together calmly. We allowed her to lead the way, thinking that she might go home, which she did. I met her owner, who was mortified. She was told to go into the house, and she promptly obeyed. I did call the police, as I was walked along with her. Twenty minutes later, they hadn’t arrived. I was told later that the reason why the laws about pit bulls had changed in this part of the world was initiated by the police. In some areas of the city, pit bulls were trained to be so vicious that the police were afraid to go in. I have no evidence to support this but that’s the word on the street! Anyone who has a power that is not understood and threatens the status quo, is often demonized by our western culture. So it is with women, homosexuals, races that differ from the “norm” of our severely flawed society. And so it is with pit bulls.