The Treasure in the Trauma

They say that trauma can change your DNA structure. They also say that it can cause permanent psychological damage. And I would tend to agree. Childhood trauma can result in all varieties of addictions and compulsions in adulthood. Recently, I personally had an experience caused me to believe that all the above can be reversed. My husband of seventeen years, with whom I have had a very rocky relationship, broke up with me and within weeks was romantically involved with a mutual friend. It sent me into a spin of grief, anger, and resentment, to the point where, at times, I could hardly function, at others, I went into violent rages, and still others, into delusional optimism. I was doing individual therapy, group therapy, couples therapy, daily meditation and yoga, reiki treatments and having long painful conversations with friends and family. Nothing was bringing back my emotional stability. Then, serendipity struck. A friend was talking about Sandra and how she helped him when he was in a similar situation. I replied, “give me her number, as soon as you get home.” He texted it to me and as soon as he walked into his home, Sandra called out of the blue. “I suppose you’re calling about Mary Dorgan,” he joked, as it was impossible for me to have called her so soon. She was looking for guinea pigs to practice a therapy she had just learned, called Emotional Freedom Techniques. She really wanted to treat addicts. Later, I told her that perhaps I was addicted to my husband. She told me that at the root of almost everything is trauma and that is what she wanted to work on. My first session was over Skype. She started off with having me tap my forehead, the side of my eye, under my eye, my mustache area, my chin, my collarbone and my bra strap area under my arm. She asked me what I wanted to work on and how I felt. Hopelessness, despair, injustice, betrayal, abandonment, insecurity, loneliness, were all on the list. Without going into great detail because I am priding myself on shorter blogs, Sandra took me into what she called “the Matrix” to meet little Mary. Little Mary experienced all sorts and varieties of trauma at different ages. What we did was to address her before the trauma occurred. The challenge for me, was to allow the possibility that this could take place in my own mind. It was curious how I physically felt little Mary's responses in my body. Then, we injected something different into the experience of little Mary. She ended up knowing that she was fully armed to take anything on and that she would be fine. Not only did this experience spark my conscious imagination, leave me more connected with who I am, but it left me with tools to deal with any perceived “negative” emotions I might have to confront in the future. During the last session, Sandra asked me to describe how I felt. “Joyful, playful, free,” I laughed. “My life is a joy. It is colorful. I want to shout it from a mountain, I want to ride a horse and I want to write about it all!” You are going to say that this kind of elation cannot last. And you are correct, but what has lasted is my emotional stability, my recovered sunny outlook and my love for chocolate! Yes, I have had moments since then, when I got glimpses of what I had experienced for four months. One such moment occurred this morning. I saw myself slipping into anger. In the midst of this anger I noticed something different. It was a possibility that I had never seen before and it smelled like freedom. I let go of the script that had been playing in my mind for forty-eight years and began to write a brand new one, with joy, with color, with laughter, with freedom. And I’m writing it all down for you!